Luke 22:31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. 32 But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers.”
33 Peter said, “Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you, and even to die with you.”
34 But Jesus said, “Peter, let me tell you something. Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.”
Ok. I guess it’s time that I said something.
We all know what happened, and we know what’s happened since. It would be easy for me to say that if the Messiah is risen from the dead, then nothing that happened before matters any more. But that would be wrong, and it would be there, coming between all of us in the future.
So it’s time to tell you that I’m a coward. I’m a big talker and everyone has probably had an earful of me a long time ago. I have no idea why Jesus chose me as the leader of this group, because most of you are smarter than me. I don’t understand half of what Jesus is saying, even now.
But the fact is that I’ve always acted like I was better than all of you when I wasn’t. I’ve been the one to speak up when I should have been quiet. I’ve been the one who thought the occasional right answer gave me the right to tell everyone- even Jesus- what to do. I was the one who thought I had to make a public show of my courage and loyalty, and I was the one who took a sword to the high priest’s soldiers and almost got all of us killed.
Somewhere back there at the beginning of all of this, when I saw Jesus do a miracle that I was sure no one could possible do, I told Jesus to go away and leave me alone, because I was just a big stupid fisherman and I wasn’t ready for all of this. He ignored me of course, because somehow he won’t let go of me or any of us. But I still feel the way I did that day, even now, after he’s back from the dead. I still wonder what any of this has to do with me, because I know what I did when he needed me.
I did all the talking the night before he was arrested, and I was the one who denied him. I was the one who denied him when a girl taunted me, and when some local pointed out my accent. Nobody threatened me, no one had a sword at my back. I was scared, and what I’d said and done earlier didn’t matter.
I didn’t think about Jesus, and I didn’t think about any of you. I took care of me, because I was only worried about me. It doesn’t matter that you were all just as scared as me that night and that most of us would have done the same thing. All I know is what I did, and when it was over, I walked over to those steps next to the temple and I cried like my wife and children were dead. I was in the worst failure of my life and I hated myself.
None of you have ever seen me cry. You’ve probably never heard me say I was wrong. You’ve known I was a coward, a talker and a failure. You’ve wondered why I was a leader and maybe you’ve told Jesus I shouldn’t be. You’ve known more about me than I knew about myself.
I’ve learned a lot these past few weeks, and I imagine we’re all going to learn a lot more in the days to come. But I’ve learned some things about myself. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is this:
A few hours before I betrayed Jesus, he told me I would do it. Some of you heard him. He listened to all my talking, then calmly said I would deny him. Then he told me that when I had done it, and when I had turned back to him, I was to come back and “strengthen” you.
That makes about as little sense now as it did then.
I ‘ve really wondered what that could possibly mean. How could a coward and a failure like me strengthen anyone?
Then I realized something. I could strengthen you by telling you that Jesus won’t give up on you, even when you fail him. He still wants you as a disciple, still loves you and still calls you even when you are swearing that you don’t know him.
I can’t get used to that about Jesus, but it never goes away. He loves us that much and he won’t give up on us…ever.
You see, Jesus already knows the worst there is to know about us. He knows the things I’m afraid to admit. He knows the failures that are still out there in the future.
And he isn’t going to give up on you. He’s going to die and rise and embrace you just like he did to me. He said “Tell Peter.” Do you have any idea what that meant when I heard it? After all I’d done for him?
There’s a kind of strength there that I want all of you to have. It comes from being a failure and coward, from knowing Jesus knows my worst, and knowing he still wants me to be his disciple.
I want all of you to find that, because I think we’re all going to need it. It’s there right now, but maybe you need to fail like I did to discover it yourself. I can’t say.
That’s all. Thank you for listening.
…Now, having said that, let’s go start spreading the word to the ends of the earth that our friend, crucified by the Romans, is raised from the dead and is the Lord of the world.
Awesome. Just awesome.
Grace and Peace,
Raffi
I sense a bunch of 1 man monologues coming to a church near you!
Very cool, I like this. Neat idea.
Wow. What are the chances you’d hear something that self-indicting and humble out of most evangelicals these days?
I am speechless, but thankfully I can still type. That was very well done. I could easily imagine that scene. And Raffi, that was a nice addendum as well. I needed that tonight. Thank you so much.
When I first started reading this post I thought it was you, Michael, admitting to weakness and despair.
Perhaps it is. I’m a little dense these days.
If this is come kind of confessional from you then I am truly speechless (not really).
Regardless, it speaks for me.
I am a coward.
I am a betrayer.
It crumbles everything that I think that I am that God loves me anyway.
That God values me.
That God likes me.
Michael, your truth and honesty have been inspirational. B******t on that building you up. I don’t even know you.
God is the God of all creation and the universe.
God is the God of your next breath.
Thanks. While I understand the heart of the man, this is a monologue of the apostle Peter speaking to the other apostles.
Jesus surely loved Simon Peter, and died for him, for he surely was the friend of God, as Abraham, and all whom the Lord sets His love upon, and glorifies Himself in the salvation of.
Judas is a different example. he would have been better off never being born. He is the son of perdition. Is Judas any worse than I? No. I am worse than he; in so many ways. Yet Christ saved me. I’ll never know why. Even in glory with my Lord Jesus, I’ll never understand this amazing love, and magnificent Savior.
Have a blessed weekend.
[…] July 4, 2008 A Drama for your Easter Service Posted by Eclectic Christian under Uncategorized Michael Spencer has written a very touching monologue about how Peter must have felt after betraying Jesus three times. It would be perfect as a short introduction to a related message as part of an Easter service. You can read it at JesusShaped.wordpress.com […]
[…] He picks some of the loudest and most obnoxious guys as disciples. (Here I have to give a nod to iMonk’s excellent imagining of Peter’s first words to the disciples after he repented for disowning Jesus). Heck, two of them were nicknamed […]
Wonderful, Michael! I gave the link to this post to the folks at http://theologica.ning.com/ which Michael Patten started up. (It’s already huge.)
I liked this very much, but, sad to say, such humility is in very short supply in most segments of the church today. Why do some people always need to be “right,” and when it becomes apparent that they aren’t, why don’t they just admit it as “Peter” did here?
Hi Michael,
I used to look at Peter and thought that he was just impulsive and self-centered. But a while back, Jesus showed me something about Peter and I cried for a day. I have a soft spot for him now. Thank you very much for your post. You’ve added to my experience of Peter and the grace of God.
My take on Peter is found at http://windblownhope.wordpress.com/2008/01/09/when-i-am-weak-part-3/
thanks again
I had the same reaction as Rob did; I also thought, at first, that it was you (Michael) speaking. Then I realized that it was from Peter’s perspective. Then I realized that I could honestly say those things, except for the being a fisherman part …. though I guess I have fished for compliments.
Well done and how encouraging!
Thanks, Michael. Needed this today.
Hope your eardrums survive Cornerstone.
If I had a patron saint, it would be Peter. God’s grace to Peter, gives a great deal of hope to this poor disciple.
[…] Later….when Peter had a chance to talk to the other disciples « Jesus Shaped Spirituality What might Peter have felt, after having denied Jesus thrice as He foretold, he was to come again to his brethren and *strengthen* them. Peter the Coward, Peter the Weak, Peter the Betrayer… Peter the Proof that Jesus does not give up on His own. (tags: peter perseverance) 2008-07-04 – 23:35 EDT SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: “links for 2008-07-05”, url: “http://rickbeckman.org/links-for-2008-07-05/” }); « Thoughts for the 4th of July […]
Michael,
You’ve been tagged.
Grace and Peace,
Raffi
JoanieD #11 suggested I visit and I’m glad I did, though I’ve been here before I think. Interesting post. I just wrote about Peter on my blog a couple days ago. Wonder what God’s up to…
I’ve been preaching through the Gospel of Mark for the past year, and today (July 6) I have reached that part of chapter 14 where Peter denies Christ. Thus, like minnowspeaks, I’m left wondering… what’s God up to?
Beautiful words with your heart bleeding through each line. Thank you for calling us all back to the truth. The power of God comes through people like Peter, people like you and me, only in our weakness, in our wounds, only through our faults and our failures.
[…] Later….when Peter had a chance to talk to the other disciples […]
[…] writer named Michael Spencer wrote an incredible article about Peter and what he might have said to the disciples after his public failure. I’m preaching on it […]