Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”*
(Please read in low voice, fast pace.)
*Actual offer applies to Jesus only in a mysterious, spiritual sense. Application of offer is restricted in most actual churches to persons fulfilling additional requirements as determined appropriate by theologians and church leadership. Persons wishing to take advantage of said offer should contact their local Jesus franchise and fulfill specific requirements.
Offer does not pertain to the Lord’s Supper in many places due to additional theological complications in church history.
Definition of “Labor and heavy laden” varies in individual cases and may not include sexual sinners, adulterers, criminals and addicts. Those interested in this offer who continue to experience serious sin problems should see their local franchise to discuss what variations on the offer are available to sinners without a testimony of deliverance.
Definition of “yoke” may or may not include actual discipleship. Offer may vary in your denomination.
Invitation to “learn of me” does not necessarily mean learning from or about Jesus. Representatives of Jesus are available at your franchise to discuss resources and small group options.
Definition of “rest” is determined by available resources at each franchise. If “rest” is not available at a franchise near you, fill out a form and you will be notified when actual “rest” is available.
Claims that Jesus is “gentle” and “lowly in heart” may not apply in all denominations. Some offers remove this clause because of confusion with other offers by liberal, girly-Jesus denominations.
Promise that “you will find rest from your souls” is subject to limitations and conditions posted at each franchise operation.
“The Church” is not responsible for misinterpretations or misapplications of the above offer. Those seeking to take advantage of the offer are subject to varying traditions, expectations, conditions, demands, requirements and schedules of participation.
Literal interpretation of this offer should be done at your own risk. “The Church” is not responsible for individual experience with the offer.
This offer may be canceled at any time by other offers and proclamations of “The Church” in your area.
Offer is dependent on orthodox theology and does not apply to liberals, postmoderns, skeptics and most non-Christians.